Learning about Delivering

Last night at the baby class, we heard all about the delivery. I am still worried that the baby won't turn around (put its head down) and therefore, we will have to decide if we want to try and give birth naturally (and maybe have a c-section) or just plan a c-section. I worry about having it naturally with its head in the right place - the head in the wrong place makes it that much worse! The mid-wife said that if the mom wants to, after the baby's head and shoulders have cleared the birth canal, the mom can reach down and bring the baby up to her chest. (Dad could, too, but she recommends (for a variety of reasons) only from the mom's point of view, e.g. behind mom's shoulders and not facing mom head on, if you get what I mean.) I am not sure either of us want to do that!

And we found out we could take the placenta home if we wanted to - I'm definitely not interested in that. Otherwise, the hospital will burn it. Anyone know what happens in the U.S.? We also learned about a variety of other things relating to the process - I definitely feel well informed now.

Details and plans

Even though we think we talked about this in an earlier entry on this blog, we are still getting questions about our work and family situation vis-a-vis the arrival of Baby, so here is our plan as of today and how we think this all should work out!

For Sarah and her job: Sarah's work contract runs until the end of October. She would normally get four months of maternity leave, but since the baby isn't due until early August, she'll start maternity leave then and finish the remainder of her contract on maternity leave (taking less than what she's officially entitled to, but that's okay). She still gets a full salary during that time - and even still accumulates vacation days on maternity leave! She has given her employer notice that she will not renew her contract/continue beyond October. (And yes, for those who haven't heard, we will be leaving Geneva and Switzerland after this time as both of us will have ended the contracts for our jobs, which has been our main reason for being here.) So they've started the process of replacing her and have held interviews.

The medical/maternity system here is such that women are encouraged to stop working 4 to 6 weeks before the baby comes. At the last few visits to the doctor, she has asked Sarah when she wants to stop working. Sarah, being accustomed to the American system (and for other reasons at work), has just assumed that she will work right up until the baby pops out (at which point a woman's leave for maternity reasons begins). The doctor has suggested that she can first go down to 50% sometime in July and then, a couple weeks later, stop working all together. The doctor is very ready to write a letter to Sarah's employer asking for medical leave for her pregnancy - she's eager to do so, it seems. Sarah is trying to burn up some of her vacation days too and so will be taking some days off in July anyway.

For Stephen and his job: Since January, I have been a house husband. But this has involved a lot of lazy days too, so rather than continuing under that label, I've now decided that, with the arrival of a new season, I'm now on summer vacation (like I was still in school). And in order to sound like I'm even more productive and have a better purpose for not working, when the baby arrives, I will begin my period of paternity leave. Seriously, though, I've known for many months that the baby is coming and that I will be in a situation of not working, and really, I'm grateful for this opportunity to not have to work (to have time like Sarah will) for a while after Baby arrives. I will really take advantage of this. Sarah keeps thinking that when we have our next child, we will both be working and have one child already to care for, and I will probably not be in a no-work situation then. So this situation is really a gift for all of us - Sarah, Baby and me.

Our destination after Geneva: As of today, we still don't know where we're headed after Geneva. But because we have an income through the end of October (and Sarah even gets an additional month's salary as part of her contract - when you leave, they give you this) and our apartment lease runs through the end of that month, we figure we might as well stay put until then and use that time to get used to having a baby - one big change at a time, please. We're still looking at possibilities of going somewhere for a year or so outside the U.S. (southeast Asia or Africa, preferably), or else our default destination is probably Washington, D.C. I'm looking for openings now for overseas jobs, and if I find something, then Sarah will probably see what is available for her.

We know many of you like details and knowing exactly what we're up to and what we're planning. We hope this is enough information at this point. Sure, it's possible to go another layer deeper with information, but then I'd be writing to you on this blog what I'm doing day to day and hour by hour, and if I had to do that, then I would have less time to search for a job. But if you really need to know something or even more details about our search for our next home or jobs, let's talk on the phone - it's easier to share those sort of details that way.

Squirming and squeaming

Does my voice make you squirm? When I call you, do you start moving uncomfortably when you hear it's me? This is the case with Baby. Well, maybe Baby is not squirming or uncomfortable; maybe that's just the only way it knows how to respond and communicate that it hears me.

At the suggestion of our baby class instructor, I've tried communicating more directly with Baby - not just putting my hands on Sarah's stomach, which caused Baby to press back with its head after a couple minutes. But now, after speaking to it (our baby books say Baby is well into the stage in which it can hear from inside there), I can even wake Baby up and make it respond with my voice. It squirms and presses back on my hand, although this makes Sarah physically uncomfortable when it moves a lot. But this is fun - I feel like I'm bonding with Baby already.

We had the second session of our baby class last night. We talked about what the signs of labor are. One topic was epidurals. I almost had to excuse myself from the room when the topic came up. I am allowed to - and plan to - be in the delivery room. But there are some parts of it - even aside from an epidural or C-section or anything medical - that I am wondering if I can handle. I am very squeamish when it comes to injections or the sight of blood or the thought of any kind of surgery. So after the class I told Sarah that I would be there in the delivery room to support her, but if the need arises for an epidural, I told her I would definitely be leaving the room for a few minutes. If I should stay during this time, I think I would faint or vomit and then be no good for the rest of the labor.

Many parts of the labor were described in detail, and it was all very helpful. One message came through clearly - one has no control over the timing of it all. I think this will be a good first test for us (especially Sarah, the real planner and list-maker!). It will be only the beginning of a new, unpredictable life with a child!

Feeling Big

I am definitely feeling big - and looking at this picture - need to work on my posture more! People keep asking me when the baby is due and I can tell they think it should be any day now. I know I can't do anything about it, but I am hoping the baby will turn itself around. I have started clearing my desk at work - making sure things are filed, not starting any new projects, taking home my personal things. I don't want to leave that for anyone else to do.

I am glad that our prenatal class has started. I was getting worried about that as well - it kept getting postponed. I know, I shouldn't be worrying about things, and I try not to, but it's a bit hard.

Training for the parents

Three things to report on:

1. We had another appointment with the baby doctor last week. We are now visiting her monthly as we go through this final stretch. She did an ultrasound to see if Baby has turned upside down toward the head-first birthing position. We think Baby has turned a bit since our last ultrasound, but I think the doctor was expecting it to be pretty much in the birth position. But she says we'll wait another month until the next appointment, and she'll do another ultrasound to check its position. Right now, it's pretty much upright.

So now we have to coax the baby to turn. There are methods for getting babies to do this, but they are medically risky (ranging from experimental accupuncture to physically turning it - I wasn't going to ask more about that, but the doctor said it was painful for the mother), and the worst-case scenario is a C-section if the baby ultimately doesn't turn (to avoid a breach birth). But it has time. So I've told Baby to be good and to start turning. Perhaps you'd like to send your own requests to Baby, and I'll pass them on. Otherwise, the baby is at an average weight - 1.9 kg (it can/will get up to 3.5 kg by the time it's born), but in terms of size, the doctor keeps saying it's big. So perhaps there's not much room in there for it to turn!

B. Friday night we had the first session of our five-week baby-preparation course. We found such a course in English, and eight or nine couples are taking part. We are the only Americans in the group (I always expect to find more Americans in groups like this or in something like French language lessons). The other couples (and all but one father came too; the one who didn’t show had a previous commitment, so in the 21st century, pregnancy truly is a joint “project”) are from Ireland, China, Japan, the Philippines, Australia, France, India (wife)/Italy (husband), Uganda (wife)/England (husband).

The first session was mostly about diet (and how women can deal with constipation). The instructor is a midwife who has worked all over the Geneva and neighboring areas. She told us that she would speak in general terms and that everything did not have to apply to everybody. But if you were to believe that you had to or should be following everything she said about what to eat, how to exercise and stand and avoid stress and heavy work, then you should be feeling guilty and that you have already been a bad parent before your baby is even born. I don’t think we’re doing even half of what she said. I know – the point wasn’t to make me/us feel guilty. And I shouldn’t because at every trip we’ve made to the doctor and clinic, we’ve heard that our baby is normal and healthy. So I think we’re doing pretty well.

Besides hearing about diet, we learned many interesting things. In Switzerland, unlike in the United States, where “drive-by births” became popular and the political buzzword several years ago, the typical hospital stay after birth for the mother is a full five days! Yes, that’s for a normal birth! And here they won’t send you home even after that long if there is nobody there (father or other family) to care for the mother. Swiss insurance provides for 10 days of home visits by a midwife (not necessarily 10 visits, but just 10 days of care). So we’ll take advantage of that. You are also entitled to three lactation consultations a year after birth. If we need any other instruction or advice, besides our pediatrician, there is this free clinic staffed by midwives that we can walk into or call. These classes are taking place at this clinic. So, the first months of raising a child should be a piece of cake (yeah, right)! At least we have many resources (even redundant ones) at our disposal – instruction or advice will not be far. And besides, both sets of grandparents will visit us during these first few months as well.

III. As today is Father's Day, Sarah gave the father-to-be - moi - a gift - a little letter from Baby with some coupons for some time out for Dad at Starbucks. No doubt I'll enjoy those!

Baby's first big purchase

Well, we finally bought a stroller. This has been a long process of visiting many baby stores (in at least two different countries), looking at many models, looking at manufacturers' Web sites, comparing types, and thinking. (Plus there is a lot to choose from here in Europe - we think there is a lot more to offer here and more innovative equipment for babies than in the U.S.) But then again, this is the usual process for both of us when we make a major purchase. We're definitely not the type to rush into anything.

But it's just a stroller, you say. Yes, but it's more! Because we are moving out of Geneva in several months, we did not want to get too much furniture or equipment for the baby (we'll buy it all when we finally settle down somewhere), and so we had been looking at a three-in-one type of stroller, and an Italian brand model (Chico) caught our eye early. This is what we ultimately settled on. In addition to your traditional stroller (which we will be able to use when the child is a few months older), it comes with a car seat/carrier and a bassinet/carrier, and it's this part that will double as Baby's bed at home until we leave Geneva. The car seat and bassinet both go on top of the stroller part so you can push the baby around in those things too.

So finally Daddy gets a picture on this blog, and this is me with the new stroller. We spent a little time learning how it all works today. Talk about a sophisticated piece of equipment (and we still haven't figured it all out)! You would probably be shocked at the price, but remember that we got three major pieces all together (which have to be bought by every new parent anyway) and probably won't need to buy any other furniture or equipment while we're here (plus the woman at the shop said this model should last us ten years; I wanted to tell her that a 10-year-old would be too big for the stroller anyway). While it means comfort for Baby, this stroller is really for the parents - it will be a nice model to have and use. Sarah keeps saying, "I'm pleased."

So you'll see Baby gettin' around town in style - getting on and off the bus, at the tea room having coffee and croissants, and at the grocery store buying a baguette. I'm just worried that it will remember what a nice stroller it had at birth and then, at 16, demand that we buy it a sports car!

Preparing by the 40s

A couple weeks ago, when (my sister) Lora was here at the end of our road trip through France, I was explaining to her how weeks are a better measure of the length of a pregnancy, that it's actually not 9 months but 40 weeks (right now we are at 32 weeks). A few days later, I realized that this is quite Biblical - preparing one's self for something in 40 days/years. Moses spent 40 years preparing the Israelites to enter the Promised Land. Noah had to wait 40 days to leave the ark and start all over again. Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness.

Although I'm anxious to see this child, to meet him/her and find out what Baby is like, I guess this helps put things in a little perspective. There must be something to the number 40 - it must be good in some way. Baby certainly needs 40 weeks to be created (I don't want it to be born before it's fully developed), to be strong and healthy, so I must need all that time to prepare for Baby's arrival too.

On Sunday, I had a good conversation with a woman at church who had a baby 4 1/2 months ago. I was telling her how strange it is to have a baby on the way, to know the baby (because we've been living with it for the past several months and know it's been there since its very conception) but to not know it (because we've never actually seen it and interacted with it). She told me about her feelings toward her new baby - that although it's too young to show its personality, she still treats him with respect because it has a personality waiting to reveal itself and a soul. It's human, in other words. She said I would need to wait about three months until Baby "evolved" some more and started to get control of itself. So, although in a short two months' time, I will finally get to see Baby and meet this new person in our lives, I will have to wait a little longer after that to really start discovering what type of person he/she is. (Again, my first instict with Baby will be to invite it out to lunch so I can ask it, "So, tell me about yourself. What do you like? What do you like to do?" - the way I would get to know a new acquaintance in my life.)

So, we're just biding our time, waiting for 40 weeks to be up.

Our pediatrician

We met with our pediatrician today. For some reason, I was all nervous about it. I even had a dream/nightmare about it. I think partly because I did not know what to expect and as usual, the whole question of 'how good will their English be?' It went fine and we got lots of useful information. Stephen had some good questions about vaccinations and living in a third world country with a baby. In case you are interested, the only real difference between Swiss and US vaccinations is when they do the one for Hepatitis B. Glad we have that out of the way.

Our next appointment with the 'baby' doctor is at the end of next week. We have been seeing her once a month, but I have a feeling she will soon step up the frequency. I think this time she wants to check where the baby's head is.

Traveling around

During our road trip, I wore the shirt Stephen gave me for Mother's Day (see photo) a couple of days. For those of you who can't read French, it says 'It's for August.' All of the comments I had were interestingly from men - I think they thought it was amusing.

We stayed at a couple of b-and-b type places; there the women had to comment on our pregnancy, when was the baby due, was it our first, did we know the sex, etc. Stephen and I had stayed at this one place before; we couldn't believe how excited the woman was for us! She was amazed that we had taken this baby on a 2,839 kilometer trip - she is sure that will make the baby 'show its nose' early! I am also finding I am getting preferential treatment becuase of my tummy - someone offered me their seat on the bus, I have jumped the queue in the restroom (by invitation!). I feel I little guilty - I am not that big yet!